Blog # 19 - Prose Poem -- Freedom Weather

I've let you live a lie. Or, I guess, a lie while I lived my life. You just don't get it do you? The wind blows day after day and it gets colder and colder day after day, and my God you didn't change a bit did you? I feel like smoke after fires are lit. Freedom means nothing if you don't chase it, and frankly I've found the more I talk to you the more I need it. It's like a drug that I went into rehab for, but escaped with all the glory of a manic addict, drunk on false power and high off of five hundred miles an hour. The storm that kept me safe refuses to let me sleep as I climb ladder after ladder, praying the top is within reach, because the drop below is a short fall compared to the journey I've left behind.

Reach for the stars they say, but I know when you fall on clouds that they don't hold you like they said they do. Trust me, they don't. Those clouds scream things at you as you fall through their thin facades and violently reach the ground, and I'll tell you now that you were one of those clouds, full of lightning threatening to strike me with words like thunder that kept me nice, neat, and under.

Look. Look at me now, pen in hand, my greatest weapon and yet... I am still controlled. Controlled by not wanting to hurt you even though that's what you used to do to me. It's nothing new. But, I'm still free and forgive me, but you'll never catch me.

Blog # 18 - The Ibis

In the sun-warmed and humid Orlando, Florida,
Mid-afternoon has set itself in,
And in the midst of Hollywood Studios,
There is an ibis.
He has made a killing on tourist food
Fed by the rebels who disregard signs.
I see this ibis, though I don't feed it,
And realize how far I am from home.
He struts around, for this is where he belongs
And he is unaware.
He looks at me. He doesn't know me.
And yet I stare back wondering if he did.
He turns away,
Back to the food the rebels throw.
He's so different than what I know,
For tropical birds live in the tropics,
And not in the north.
His white feathers lie still
While he eats with a bubblegum pink beak.
The humidity sets in around me.
It doesn't bother him at all.
And all of the bugs,
That have bothered me since day one
Simply dance.

Poetry Matters

Although many people groan at the thought of studying poetry, I truly think it still matters. Poetry is just another art form, another way to look at the world, and poets are just artists that are writing words instead of painting images. As a person who likes to write poetry, I see the world through smatterings of ideas and images and words, and sometimes the only way I can articulate exactly what I've seen is through writing a poem about it.

Through experience, I've seen many a person groan at the thought of studying poetry. Even I did that until a friend showed me what it was like to write my own, and then I decided that Edgar Allan Poe was pretty cool, and I looked into more and more poems that interested me. This isn't always the case, however -- many people simply grit their teeth and try to bear it through rhymes and metaphors. I think that poetry's main place, in today's culture, is in the classroom, though I wish that would change. Like I said before, it's another way to look at the world, and people can always benefit from understanding different viewpoints.

For me, poetry wasn't made interesting until I was shown how to write my own. Even then, I wasn't interested in reading it until I read Edgar Allan Poe, and frankly, even now some poems really just don't do it for me. However, I'm an avid music listener, as are the majority of other people. Music is just poetry set to a melody -- There have been times when I learned poetry by analyzing song lyrics and listening to rappers who have to have certain words at certain times to keep the rhythm going. Maybe the key to reviving poetry is getting people to learn about it through music first, then slowly getting into the classics, instead of diving right into the complicated workings of Shakespeare and Robert Frost.

Iambic Speech

(I've been on a stand up comedy binge and since I couldn't pick up Christopher Titus' new special earlier today -- which was really disappointing -- I decided to watch ones on YouTube, the most recent one being an Ellen DeGeneres one, so here are some excerpts from that particular show called Here and Now. The stressed syllables are in all caps, and the non-stressed are not.) (Also keep in mind that scansion has never been my strong suit and while I hear that we mostly speak in iambic pentameter, but I also hear some sporadic syllables that sneak in there that mess up the rhythm, which I suppose is normal. I don't think speech is exactly one thing 100% of the time.)

1. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ellen DeGeneres!" (la-DIES and GEN-tle-MEN, please WEL-come EL-len DE-gen-ER-es!)

2. "What a lovely way to start work, thank you very much!" (what A love-LY way to START work, THANK you VER-y MUCH!)

3. "Some of you need to get babysitters, especially if you have kids." (some OF you NEED to GET ba-BY-sit-ers, ES-peciall-Y if YOU have KIDS.)

4. "Now the one thing I think we all have in common is that we want to laugh." (NOW the ONE thing I THINK we ALL have in COM-mon is THAT we WANT to LAUGH.)

5. "When there's something I'm supposed to do, I'll do anything other than the one thing I'm supposed to do." (When there's SOME-thing I'M SUP-posed TO do, i'll DO an-Y-thing O-ther than the ONE thing I'M SUP-posed to DO.)

6. "Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?" (WHY should I pay a STRANG-er to LIST-en to ME talk when I can GET STRANG-ers to PAY to LIST-en to ME talk?)

7. "What kind of job is that to come up with the names for paint colors?" (what KIND of JOB is THAT to come UP with the NAMES for PAINT COL-ors?)

8. "And the phone rang..." (AND the PHONE RANG.)

9. "And I said 'Who am I kidding, I'm never going to get around to writing about procrastination.'" (and I said WHO am I KID-ding, I'M NE-ver GO-ing to GET a-ROUND to WRIT-ing A-bout PRO-cras-TIN-a-TION.)

10. "You had to hate something bad enough to get up and walk that five feet to change the channel." (you HAD to HATE some-THING bad E-nough to GET up AND walk THAT five FEET to CHANGE the CHAN-nel.)

11. "It was a simpler time back then..." (it WAS a SIMP-ler TIME back THEN...)

12. "I believe someday sitcoms will be thirty seconds long." (i BE-lieve SOME-day SIT-coms WILL be THIR-ty SEC-onds LONG.)

13. "I was watching the news the other day... brought to you by Paxil..." (I was WATCH-ing the NEWS the OTH-er DAY ... brought TO you by PAX-il...)

14. "'It could be the most deadly thing in the world, and you could be having it for dinner. We'll tell you what it is tonight at eleven.'" (it COULD be THE most DEAD-ly thing IN the WORLD, and YOU could be HAV-ing IT for DIN-ner. WE'LL tell YOU what IT is TO-night AT e-LEV-en.)

Blog 14 -- Harvest Moon

The full moon is rising up on the horizon.
         Giant wafer made of gold.

Blog 13 -- "The Blame"

It wasn't enough to apologize
When all you wanted was for me to go.
And all of those times I didn't realize
All of the things I should have known.

Part of me wants to scald you
With the words I always held behind.
I guess it wasn't enough, you were though.
And in the end, I was hopelessly blind.

I can't hold them back, but I can't set them free.
I'm stuck in knowledge, knowing I was wrong,
And I know how you push the blame on me.
But I'm used to the blame you've held so long.

I know none of this was ever my fault,
And now I refuse to let you keep me at a halt.

Ode to Creepypasta

Long nights have been wasted in front of the screen,
Part from interest, most from withheld screams.
I read and read, and yet I feel the starting fear
That the something behind me is creeping ever near.

Could it be who was residing in the "Showers?"
Or an unsettled spirit, testing me with its powers?
Oh, "Sarah O'Bannon," you've been dead for years,
And yet how is it I'm still reduced to tears?
Murderers, monsters, I'm safe if my light is on,
I fear I might be dead or worse before reaching dawn.
Games are just games, or is it possible that
Slenderman is standing just behind my back?

Such brilliance in amateurs! I feel like they're King
Disguised and hiding behind the safety of the screen.
I hope that sound was just the cat,
I swear I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't that...
It's times like these I wish I weren't alone,
And I swear on my grave that I don't know "WHO WAS PHONE."

For the horror mind looking for a thrill,
Or the reader looking for his fill,
The tales of terror will invade your mind,
It will never disappoint, and many a time
You might find yourself in the same position as mine
Wishing you had someone next to you to give a sign.
As scared as I will be, I continue yearning for more
And thank God for every day that I can open "Doors."

Sestina

I cannot count the time apart in days.
Remembering all those halfway-happy months
We helped ourselves from pits of despair,
Something I thought we could both take triumph,
But now I realize that victory was only half
And in the end, all but one was always gone.

How long, my friend, have you been gone?
You said not a word to me during those final days.
I never meant for us to be not whole but half.
Regretfully, we've been just two for months.
The sadness I alone manage to triumph...
My God, why didn't you tell me your despair?

Now I understand the depths of your despair
But it's too late, days of whole are gone.
If only I had known I was alone in triumph
My friend, I could have saved you from murderous days.
Now I've been alone for months
And in the end, I was the first to leave you half.

I thought I was the first to be alone and half.
But I unknowingly abandoned you when I ran from my despair.
My friend, you were alone for months
From your right hand I was gone,
But you don't know that I remembered you closely those days.
In my memory, it was you, not me, who had strength to triumph.

I never meant to be alone in our triumph
Because I was whole, but now I'm half.
I would have walked for days
Through frustration and despair
To see exactly where you've gone.
Both of our places have stolen all these months.

But now I'll sit and remember our past months
When I thought we both felt triumph.
I don't blame you for going where you've gone
My friend, we are not whole but half.
And now we're back to the start -- despair.
But the sun will also rise on the loneliest of days.

Yet I refuse to let our triumph be just half.
There will be hope going your way, gone will be despair.
One day, you'll be safe to live out every month with all its days.

Blog #10 -- Comparison between "Orientation" and "Bartleby, the Scrivener"

The short stories "Orientation" and "Bartleby, the Scrivener" (by Daniel Orozco and Herman Melville respectively), while both work-centered, are different in more ways than just plot. Some of these differences include the interaction between co-workers, productivity (or lack thereof), and the value of the job for the individual.

The first difference lies in how the co-workers interact with each other. In "Orientation," there are a variety of different workers (more than in "Bartleby's" setting), but their interactions with each other are very detailed and have a variety of different levels, such as Russell Nash who is in love with Amanda Pierce, who is married with an autistic son, but loves Albert Bosch who in turn loves someone who hates him (pg. 46-47). In "Bartleby, the Scrivener," there are less workers and even fewer, if any, female characters. The co-workers are all male with their own quirks and personalities and jobs (410). However, they all seem to get along with one another fairl well, except for, perhaps, Bartleby, who prefers to live like a hermit in his office and generally not do anything (415). In work-like settings, there will always be different dynamics and eccentricities. Both of these short stories take the meaning of "eccentricity" to a new level, but they are also different forms of eccentricity.

The next difference between the two stories is the productivity (or general lack thereof). In "Orientation," work and productivity are generally required, even if that includes stretching your workload to fit the eight-hour day (46) or "you may be let go." However, in "Bartleby," the narrator actually placates the non-productivity of his eccentric employee. Even when trying to fire him, the narrator doesn't necessarily take an aggressive stance by any means of the word, regardless that no work was getting done. (422) In most work places, like in "Orientation," work is expected and demanded of the employee, and if not given there would be no question in firmly firing the person. In Bartleby's case though, he continued to be an employee even after he failed to remain productive.

the third and last difference I'll mention is about the value of the job for the individual. In "Orientation," someone would really have to value their job in order to stick around with serial killers and crazy fortune tellers (49), and it seems as if the tour guide, so to speak, has valued their job enough to avoid not being "let go." However, when looking at Bartleby in "Bartleby, the Scrivener," it is clear that he values something, but it probably isn't the job so much as it is the security of it. He even blatantly gives up working, but refuses to outright quit -- or even really be fired for that matter. (424) In the real world, it's often hard to value a job for any more than its security. In "Orientation," the tour guide values some aspect of the job enough to know and give the new guy all of the dirty details, while Bartleby in "Bartleby, the Scrivener" seems to value the security of the concept of a job over any aspect of the job itself.

Blog #7 -- Feminist Criticism of "A & P"

In John Updike's short story "A & P," women characters play various major and minor roles. In fact, most of the characters in this story (save for the workers and the manager) are women, and these women all are coming into Sammy's interior monologue for the same two reasons that women come into a lot of people's minds: behavior and appearance.

In this short story, there is a mixture of dominant and submissive female characters that establish themselves in Sammy's mind. For instance, at the beginning when the girls first arrive in the A & P, Sammy first describes the girl in the green plaid bathing suit while he's ringing up an older woman's items. When he rings up an item twice, the woman vocally calls him out for it. In his thoughts, he's categorizing her as a fifty-year-old witch with no eyebrows and rouge who has probably taken great delight in catching him in a mistake at the cash register. He continues to take the witch analogy further by mentioning that if she were born in the right time period in Salem, then she would have been burned. Another character who exhibits dominance in her behavior is "Queenie," the leader of the three girls who find their way into the small grocery store. His thoughts seem to center mostly on her and leave her two friends as more of an afterthought because she gives off an air of power and prestige, which intimidates her friends into being submissive background objects that don't cross his mind quite as much, quite like rocks, perhaps. Dominance is an important way to establish oneself in society, and both the older woman and Queenie, as dominant women, seem to have established themselves in his somewhat long-term memory.

If we examine the behavior of the older woman and of Queenie and compare them, it's pretty clear that if Queenie had treated Sammy the way the older woman did, there would have been less of a complaint and probably no witch analogies. This has to do with Sammy's stage in life compared to the two womens'. The older woman is just that -- older. Had she been younger, like Queenie, the reaction might have been quite different. An important thing to Sammy in this story seems to be for Queenie to notice him, especially as she's walking down the aisles and in his actions at the end when he quits his job, hoping to catch her attention. In fact, as Sammy mentions the "houseslaves" that are in pin curlers and the mothers that have varicose veins and six kids, it occurs to me that he probably wouldn't have quit over the manager treating them like he did the three girls in their bathing suits. I'd even take it so far to say that he wouldn't have quit over the other two girls either. It was how Queenie looked that got his attention and led him to quit his job.

While Sammy's thoughts are probably just that of a teenage boy with little life experience, the fact remains that in this story, women are categorized by their behavior and appearance. Women, in his mind, are less like people and more like objects. He doesn't know the stories behind the "houseslaves" who truly are "house slaves" in more ways than one. He doesn't take the time to understand the caustic older woman, or even of the three girls that he's watching almost hungrily. The truth of these women are unimportant to him, and in the end he quits his job over someone he doesn't know or understand and it was poetic justice in its own way that when he exited the A & P that the girls were gone. And even then it was evident that he was moving on to something else and every last woman in that store was gone from his mind forever.

Blog # 6 -- "The Yellow Wallpaper" Facebook Page

John's Wife has joined Facebook.
June 10, 1892 12:34 p.m.

"I hope John doesn't see this Facebook... I better keep it private! And I hope he won't find it either... I specifically put my screen name as 'John's Wife' because there are many Johns in the world, and I bet many of them have wives. For all my John knows, I could be a different wife of a different John!"
June 10, 1892 12:56 p.m.

John's wife is married.
June 10, 1892 12:59 p.m.

"I sometimes think that this house is haunted. It's so beautiful here! It would interest me, but I can't move around much. It would be bad for my health. Sad day..."
June 14, 1892 3:45 p.m.

"This room would be nice... if it didn't have this yellow wallpaper. So much for a nursery or a place for me to get well again. At least the windows have nice views. Maybe I'll post pics later?"
June 16, 1892 1:04 p.m.

"Isn't this view gorgeous??"
June 16, 1892 1:45 p.m.

John's Wife is friends with Woman in the Wallpaper.

June 24, 1892 12:00 a.m.

"So I found this article and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm not as sick as John says I am... He is a physician but still... Men. Haha! I guess he knows best though..." http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_women.htm
June 30, 1892 2:24 p.m.

"Happy Fourth of July!! I'm tired already, lol."
July 4, 1892 10:14 a.m.

"Why don't you post anything?? Lol." with Woman in the Wallpaper.
July 15, 1892 11:45 a.m.

"There's something about this wallpaper..." feeling confused.
July 30, 1892 7:13 a.m.

"This is what I do! Instead it films you, Woman in the Wallpaper! Joke's on you I guess." with Woman in the Wallpaper.
August 3, 1892 4:18 p.m.

"Going home tomorrow! Oh, and NO MORE WALLPAPER, WHEE!! I ripped it!"
August 20, 1892 5:35 p.m.

Blog #5 -- "Orientation"

Oh you! I've heard of you. You're new here, huh? Well, I can show you around a bit. This is the stage, where we put on a variety of shows, obviously. We're actually doing Sweeney Todd coming up, but I won't be in it sadly... however yours truly WILL be doing the makeup!

See that guy with the clipboard over there? That's the stage manager. He's stern, but he isn't mean unless you cross him. He tries to not put up with much, but you know how it is. His name is Edward Lox. In fact a few months ago when we were doing Our Town, he tried to audition for the part of the Stage Manager. Truthfully though, while he's an amazing stage manager, he is a TERRIBLE actor. He lost out to Trinity Becks, and shes's over there rehearsing her lines. She doesn't have a ton of them this time around, much to her delight. She's playing the crazy old homeless woman.

Trinity has her own set of problems though. She drops acid and smokes hookah. I guess she likes the romance of it, I mean it totally screams Alice in Wonderland, am I right? But whatever you do, DO NOT disturb her if she's tripping in her dressing room. She almost throttled a guy last year. She's an amazing actress though, so we put up with it.

Over there? That's Ivan. I can't pronounce his last name. Yes that's right ee-vahn. Not eye-ven. He gets pecky if you don't say it right. He's playing the demon barber himself, and he's got his own set of demons. Alcoholism. But we put up with him -- he does have an amazing voice.

Oh, me? I suppose we all have our vices.

Mind the curtains, don't forget to treat them with respect. Edward yelled at me once when I drew them too harshly. Be quiet back stage, trust me the audience can hear EVERYTHING. Don't even breathe.

This is the costume room. Talk to Roxy, she'll help you out. She is BRILLIANT at costuming. Ivan is interested in her, but she isn't interested in anyone really. I'm sure there are many reasons why but we don't ask and I suggest you don't either. Don't take any of the costumes home either, some of these are pretty old. Actually REALLY old. We'll put up with it if they're ripped during dress rehearsals or performances, but not if it occurs at home.

There are a variety of skilled actors in this troupe. Learn from us, and you'll do just fine. What's that? Who's that man standing in the balcony? Why that's our director, James Frost! No? There's someone standing behind him? I don't see anyone. You do? Well don't. If that's who I think it is, it's best if you ignore him. That particular ghost follows people home if he catches you noticing. He watches us, but we don't dare watch him. We put up with him, but we really do need to call someone to get him out. He bothers the audience.

Blog #4 -- "A Good Man is Hard to Find"

Flannery O'Connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find" is an excellent example of Southern Grotesque/Gothic for a few reasons. For example, one of the criteria for Southern Grotesque is that a story may point out negative aspects of society. The grandmother, for example, is old-fashioned about race, though she probably doesn't mean any harm in her comments. She points out a little, impoverished black boy that has no pants on and calls him a "pickaninny." She then follows up with a story that portrays African Americans as poor and unintelligent. These sort of things were common well into the 1950s and 1960s, and even today there are some people who exhibit this sort of racial bigotry, malicious or not.

Another reasons "A Good Man is Hard to Find" is a good example of this subgenre has to do with the setting and the characters. The setting can be largely described as rural Georgia, as any indication of an urban setting is usually described as being on the outskirts of a particular town or city. The main part of the story even takes place on a dirt road way back into the woods, away from any sort of civilization. As for the characters, the family aren't necessarily "grotesques" themselves, but I think it's safe to say that The Misfit fits the "secular grotesque" type. He has renounced his faith in God, feeling as if he's been lied to and wishing that he would have been there to see Jesus raise the dead so he would know the truth. He had been falsely imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit, and while incarcerated, he seemed to experience an "enlightening" or some sorts. He makes allusions to crime and punishment (sins and Hell), and mentions that it doesn't matter what the crime (sin) is, it will still be punished (going to jail/Hell). While he may not be destroying his soul in order to save the mortal body, it's clear that he knows that no matter what he does, whether he remembers it or not, he will be punished for it in both this life and the next. I think he's killing people now so that he will remember exactly why he is being punished in the end.

Lastly, in Southern Grotesque, the plot line often includes irony and disturbing events. In the end, the story becomes both disturbing and ironic as the entire family is murdered on the side of the road (which was mentioned in passing earlier that if the grandmother was seen dead on the side of the highway, anyone would know immediately that she was a lady) ultimately by their brother, son, and uncle, The Misfit.

Blog #3 -- "The Lottery" theme

Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" concerns itself with the concept of that it can be acceptable to require the individual to sacrifice for the greater good. The entire ordeal itself is a sacrifice that is made in order to ensure a good crop. There's even a rhyme that goes along with it: "Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon." Everyone in this society has accepted the fact that one of them will die because of the lottery and that their death means that those who remain alive will have a plentiful crop and won't fall upon hard times. This doesn't always happen in modern times quite like it happens in "The Lottery," but there are some people who sacrifice a lot for the greater good. For instance, quite recently a lot of Nez Perce Tribal members (along with other supporters) protested the passing of the megaloads that were on the way up to Canada's Tar Sands. A lot of people were arrested and while many of them were able to make bail, I know that there was a few that had to sit time for a little bit. These protesters knew the risks when they stood in front of that truck in order to defend what they believed was right, and many of them did pay a price. The megaloads DID go through, but the protesters did what they could in order to sacrifice their freedom for the greater good, in a sense.

Blog # 2 -- "Boy"

Son, when you are older, buy the groceries on Sunday so that Monday through Friday you can feed your family properly. Saturday... pizza maybe. Don't wear colored bandannas until you're older. Help your woman cook the frybread and keep the oil clean. Make sure that the buckskin is tanned and that you never drop an eagle feather. Please, stay away from alcohol and the gangs that think they own the town, no matter what, son. But Dad, I don't hang out with them at all-- This is how you bead a medallion, this is how you speak our language. This is how you aim your bow, your gun, this is how you provide or your family. This is how you stay away from drugs and alcohol. If you get in a disagreement, settle it like a man, no a boy. This is how you survive in a world full of people who believe they have conquered us. Son, don't forget to braid your hair every morning as neatly as I braided yours when you were young. Do the same for your own son until he's able to do his own. Don't become a stereotype -- mow the lawn and keep the house and yard moderately clean. Don't be pressured. Don't drink, don't abuse, don't fight. Treat your woman like you would your mom or better. I better not hear about you getting drunk and hitting your woman. Cherish her. But don't let your woman do that to you either, son. Don't be that couple. Don't talk about things you've been instructed against talking about. Even if you're not sure, don't say it. Please be safe, my son. This is how you make stew and meat pies. This root will cure almost anything. Be sure to thank the spirit of the fish or animal you have killed in order to feed your family. This is how to earn respect from your elders, and this is how you in turn respect them. This is the way to keep yourself from alcohol and how to keep the Indian way. I know, Dad. I won't do any of that. You better not, son. Don't become like your father. Don't turn out like me.

Blog #1 -- Introduction

1. I think my greatest assets are that I work hard at things that I'm truly interested in and I'm creative.
2. The nicest thing I ever did for anyone was probably stand up for them, even though I'm kind of shy sometimes.
3. One question I have about life is why do people hate each other based on class, race, nationality, religion, political views, etc.?
4. My teachers last year will tell you that I am studious and have good attendance.
5. My friends will tell you that I am kind of crazy and definitely fun to be around.
6. People like me because I'm not judgmental.
7. Don't laugh, but I'm an expert on the zodiac. I used to have a lot of free time and I was always really curious about it so... I retained most of that information.
8. I want to know more about how I can help humanity as a whole.
9. When I am 30, I will be happy doing what I want to do.
10. Five years from now, I will probably still be in college.
11. When I want to, I have the ability to speak my mind.
12. A famous person I admire is Sherman Alexie because he's one of the only Native American writers of a newer generation, and he writes about things that people oftentimes don't want to talk about, especially concerning life on the reservation.
13. I have trouble dealing with spiders.
14. I am proud of my family and where I come from.
15. My friends make me laugh when they just be themselves.
16. The most stressful thing in my life is trying to get a job.
17. If I had one hundred dollars, I would pay my car payment.
18. It was easy to learn English-type subjects.
19. It is difficult to learn science.
20. I have no regrets about life.
21. I like pretty much every kind of music, but there are too many songs to list here without it being a "These Are My Favorite Songs" post. If I have to pick one though, I think it's probably "The Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy or "Holding On" by Scary Kids Scaring Kids.
22. My favorite colors are red, purple, and gold.
23. My favorite place on earth is Newport, Oregon.