Sestina

I cannot count the time apart in days.
Remembering all those halfway-happy months
We helped ourselves from pits of despair,
Something I thought we could both take triumph,
But now I realize that victory was only half
And in the end, all but one was always gone.

How long, my friend, have you been gone?
You said not a word to me during those final days.
I never meant for us to be not whole but half.
Regretfully, we've been just two for months.
The sadness I alone manage to triumph...
My God, why didn't you tell me your despair?

Now I understand the depths of your despair
But it's too late, days of whole are gone.
If only I had known I was alone in triumph
My friend, I could have saved you from murderous days.
Now I've been alone for months
And in the end, I was the first to leave you half.

I thought I was the first to be alone and half.
But I unknowingly abandoned you when I ran from my despair.
My friend, you were alone for months
From your right hand I was gone,
But you don't know that I remembered you closely those days.
In my memory, it was you, not me, who had strength to triumph.

I never meant to be alone in our triumph
Because I was whole, but now I'm half.
I would have walked for days
Through frustration and despair
To see exactly where you've gone.
Both of our places have stolen all these months.

But now I'll sit and remember our past months
When I thought we both felt triumph.
I don't blame you for going where you've gone
My friend, we are not whole but half.
And now we're back to the start -- despair.
But the sun will also rise on the loneliest of days.

Yet I refuse to let our triumph be just half.
There will be hope going your way, gone will be despair.
One day, you'll be safe to live out every month with all its days.